Young, Sick And Full Of Dread

young, sick and full of dread

My curly haired daughter filled me with dread as she happily bounced over to my horizontal body on the couch. “Come see this mama”, she said as she pulled my limp arm. I mustered up every ounce of my willpower to smile back and start lifting my deadweight legs.

I had saved up 6 hours of energy to play with her after she came home from her little school. Determined to shield her from my pain and exhaustion, I went with her hand in hand.

At this point in my life, I survived on love and sheer determination alone.

Month after month, year after year I was getting worse. I partially succeeded in hiding my debilitating enervation from my friends and family but it was getting harder to hide from my daughter and husband.

2 year olds are perceptive.

My husband is my best friend.

I cried to him on many occasions, feeling terrible that I wasn’t a “good” mom and wife. Frustrated that my physical body couldn’t keep up with my mind. Pissed that conventional doctors were failing me. Saddened that I couldn’t do as much with my little girl as she deserved. Heartbroken after another miscarriage because we wanted to grow our family (which we eventually did!).

I sat on the floor with my little girl that day and resolved that enough was enough. I had to find my own answers and stop relying on weak doctors telling me my “TSH is fine, it’s just hormones, can’t find anything wrong.” I decided to claw my way out of this dark, damp pine box before the cover closed and the dirt hammered the top. This wasn’t living. Hell this was barely surviving.

So I researched. Studied. Read. And thus began my journey into finding answers to the question:


I’ll condense my journey in this essay in order to potentially fast track helping you (or someone you know). At the end, I’ll share some resources that have helped me.

First, I read the book Stop The Thyroid Madness and discovered my hypothyroidism was grossly neglected and under-treated (criminal!). The thyroid is a complex gland that releases T4, T3, T2, T1, calcitonin and works in unison with other parts of the body. Many vitamins and minerals are often depleted when the thyroid is neglected. My adrenals were shot, my body was extremely stressed. I found a functional medicine doctor who at first listened and did understand the complexity of thyroid disease and adrenal crash/fatigue. We worked together to obtain labs and proper treatment of my chronic disease. In addition to that; I accelerated my quest to become toxic free with my food, products and household goods (more about that a little later).

Healing adrenal issues isn’t cut and dried and that took some time, diligence and patience. I’d take 2 steps forward and a few steps back despite following the protocol my doc gave me. I’d sit in her office and cry with frustration asking WHY? Why do I still have days, sometimes weeks or months where I could barely move or think?

She had the foresight to look into my genes and had me get my raw DNA from But where she went wrong was taking my data and running it through a generic online app that spit out generic advice. I was prescribed bioidentical hormones (at age 38) and tons of supplements that actually did my body more harm than good. My ammonia levels were through the roof, I was given supplements my body could not “process” and many other things were left unaddressed.

[On a side note, it was sobering and difficult to sit in her office crying yet again over my fatigue and have her question if I was just “depressed” and “did I even like being a mother?” when I was just fed up with being tired for years on end.  On top of it all; I was having mood swings from the progesterone she prescribed me (but didn’t check my labs for). Even me, a medical professional and self advocate fell into the pitfalls that many others do with inadequate care. It saddens me that so many out there are feeling the way I did but dismissed by their docs. If nothing else comes from this article, I hope people stand up for their health and never give up until they find a doc that truly listens and digs deep]

So again, I had to start from scratch to find the right person to help me….and I did. I found (through a friend) a specialist that looked at my raw DNA, studied my labs and history to create a bio-individualized plan specifically for my needs.

I’ll attempt to simplify: we all have some genetic mutations that our ancestors developed for our continued survival. Those mutations combined with our lifestyles create our current state of health.

Some examples of the toxic load on our genes in this day and age (causing a sharp increase in autoimmune illnesses and cancers in children and adults):

  • Roundup (pesticides) in our food

  • GMO’s

  • Fake sugars, fake ingredients

  • Gluten (from low quality sources)

  • Our guts are lacking the proper intestinal flora and not absorbing vitamins & minerals

  • Toxic plastics...literally everywhere

  • Additives like folic acid in our foods (and those of us with MTHFR cannot process them)

  • Tons of toxic laden vaccines, often with fetal cells injected into us and our kids (I’m not sitting here saying I’m anti-vaccine but I have been educating myself on the quality and quantity of vaccines we are given in this day and age)

  • MSG and other crap disguised as “natural flavors” or “spices”

  • Cancerous toxins in our makeup, lotions, soaps and products

  • Drinking water with fluoride, pharmaceutical meds, arsenic, chlorine and other toxins

  • EMF’s

  • Lack of sleep (decrease in melatonin production which is an anti-cancer natural hormone), tons of stress (elevated cortisol and adrenal burnout) and a society that worships the hustler that never sleeps in order to pursue their dreams or the Pinterest mom that can do it “all”

I’m not saying all this to scare you but for you to realize what our genes are trying to endure.

The specialist I found spent hours pouring over my SNP’s (DNA) and created a phased plan to heal certain methylation pathways and my gut and eventually lead my body back into homeostasis with just a few supplements that my particular body needs.

Just a few of my concerns: autoimmunity, mutations like; MTHFR, PON1, COMT, CYP1B1, BHMT/PEMT, FUT2, GAD enzyme SNPs, high cortisol, low melatonin, high oxalates, low GABA and more.

Some labs I had drawn in addition to the basics: Nutreval, Spectracell, Cyrex Array 5, three day Comprehensive Stool test, Rhythm Plus from Genova Diagnostics (30 day hormone test). Next I’ll be checking my food sensitivities via the Cyrex Array 10.

I’ve been working with my new specialist since October, 2016 addressing my sleep issues (I use the Oura Ring out of Finland), hormones, history, biochemical pathways and genetic mutations.  Each month the shroud has been lifted more and more with just a few minor self induced setbacks (like that month I thought unlimited gluten and processed food would be ok). I can also say that I no longer live in DREAD of letting my family down....which is everything.

Since I’ve shared just snippets of my story to friends and on social media I’ve had countless women and men reach out to me with similar issues. I'm not the only one, there are many of us secretly suffering:


Autoimmune issues

No answers from doctors

Can’t sleep


Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

I will share more and more of my story as time goes on (as well as resources that have helped me). Feel free to comment your insight, questions or concerns below. I may or may not be able to answer but I can always help direct you to someone who can. Do your due diligence and learn as much as you can and never take NO for an answer on your own quest for health. I truly feel most Functional Medicine doctors have an extensive knowledge of the whole body and if you still don’t get to the bottom of your issues then finding someone who truly understands SNP analysis.

{I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on the internet. This is purely my experience and not intended to replace medical advice. Please see your doctor that you trust for expert medical care}

Resources to get you started: (I'm not affiliated with any of these and do not make money by sharing this info with you)


Fed Up, Food Inc, Vaxxed, Consumed (on Netflix: movie about GMO's and glyphosates)


Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms?



6 Step Morning Ritual

6 step morning ritual

We must do it all.

Build our careers, make more money, take care of our family, make our homes Pinterest-worthy, meetings, deadlines, playdates, make sure our kids lunches are cut up in pretty designs and of course, organic.

Meanwhile, all of this pressure and burning the candle at both ends is driving us into the ground. We need a huge Starbucks to get going in the morning and wine & melatonin to shut down our racing minds at night.

Can't think.

      Can't sleep.

              Can't get it ALL done.

                       Pressure. Fatigue. Stress.

Doesn't sound fun does it? Why do we do this to ourselves? Have we lost sight of taking care of ourselves? When was the last time you took care of YOU? Felt relaxed? Content?


Someday is actually today. Cliche I know...but I've been there too! The pressure, self imposed deadlines, competition against myself and my perceived societal expectations burned me out. I had an adrenal crash that practically had me bedridden. 

It took me a couple years but I slowly learned how to:








I'm here to share with you what I've learned the hard way. Simple steps can make a huge impact in your health, energy and relationships. 

I created a simple free guide to get you started on beating the burnout and starting your JOY journey. 6 simple steps that I do each morning that has made a huge impact on my energy and mood. Enjoy!